there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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