nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
