oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
