So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
