Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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