we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
