Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
