I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
