brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish you could order shots online.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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