dude i'm inner monologue high
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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