it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
