I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
