she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
