hotel room ftw
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
