I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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