I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this just has baby written all over it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
