well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
