sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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