3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
