just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
