Christians are straight up FREAKS
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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