sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
