I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
