im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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