But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
