she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
