We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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