I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you never un-have a 4some
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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