took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
