I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
