I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
