First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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