I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Of course I have a pirate flag
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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