we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
