That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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