He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
