So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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