i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
