Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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