It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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