So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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