If i come over, it means nothing
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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