how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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