I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
