Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
