The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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