Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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