walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
