Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
