she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
