And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
