sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
