This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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