Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
