u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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