Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh god it's open bar.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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