My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
