This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
