The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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