he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
